The seven ways to relaxed parenting
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The seven ways to relaxed parenting
Parenting is often all of these things at once: wonderful, overwhelming, full of love—and full of to-do lists. At the end of a long day, you might ask yourself: Was I even present? Was I fair? Did I see my child?
What if there were a few principles that could help you be more relaxed – and give your child exactly what they need most: connection?
Inspired by Stephen R. Covey's classic " The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Principles for Personal and Professional Success " and Philippa Perry's "The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read," I've distilled seven habits for everyday family life. Not parenting tricks, but attitude anchors. For you—and for your child.
1. Be proactive – you are in the driver’s seat
Covey describes it this way: There are reactive people – and there are proactive people. Reactive people allow themselves to be controlled by their environment. Their mood fluctuates with the weather, the behavior of others, or their own stress level. Proactive people, on the other hand, act based on their own values – regardless of what's happening outside.
Now imagine: Your child yells at you on the playground because you can't "get rid" of the shadow on the swing. A completely irrational situation—at least for adults.
A reactive parent may react with anger, irritation, or annoyance.
A proactive parent stays calm, names the child's feelings, takes them seriously – without getting carried away by them.
The difference? Proactive parents act regardless of their child's current mood.
They are not only in a good mood when the child is in a good mood – they are consistent.
Mini-impulse: In challenging moments, tell yourself: “I am accompanying now—not fighting.” This alone will change your attitude.
2. Keep your eye on the goal – what really matters?
What do we actually want for our children? Happiness? Self-confidence? Resilience?
Humans are relationship creatures. Studies show that fulfilling relationships make us happier in the long run than any salary. And a person's first relationship? The one with their parents.
Children don't learn from what we say—but from what we live. They observe how we interact with them and others. How we argue, how we apologize, how we listen.
A little self-test from Philippa Perry’s book:
Have you ever been surprised by your strong reaction to your child's behavior—for example, anger or deep sadness?
Have you ever wondered why this triggers you so much – while your partner may have remained completely calm?
Consider how your own parents treated you in similar situations. We often repeat patterns from decades ago without even realizing it.
Mini-impulse: Ask yourself in everyday life: “Am I currently paying into my child’s relationship account – or am I withdrawing?”
3. First things first – your focus counts
If your child is important to you, do you treat him or her that way?
Or do you sit with one eye on your phone while playing together? Quickly check emails, mentally plan dinner, or scan social media while your child chats with you?
Imagine the same scene in a business meeting: You're sitting with the management team, scrolling on your phone. Would you do it? Probably not. Out of respect—and because you don't want to miss anything important.
So why do we sometimes treat our children with less attention?
A little experiment:
Spell the sentence:
“I am more productive when I am focused.”
Then:
“Spending time with my child is my focus.”
Both take about 15-20 seconds.
Now try alternating: first letter of the first sentence, then of the second, then of the first again, and so on.
I stopped after 60 seconds.
Multitasking works the same way in everyday life. It takes longer – and the results are worse. This applies to work as well as relationships.
Mini-impulse: When you're with your child, really be there. Put your phone away. Not for your child—but for both of you.
4. Think win-win – you are a team
When I was doing my PhD alongside my job, I often wished I could experience the "Room of Time" from Dragon Ball—a place where you could train for an entire year while outside, only a single day passed. My thought: With more time, I could accomplish an incredible amount.
When my daughter was born, I suddenly felt that desire again. I wanted to be there for her, but at the same time achieve something professionally. If I left the office early, I felt like I was disappointing others.
But then something unexpected happened:
I became more efficient. I worked with more focus—and even enjoyed my tasks more.
Because I knew my time was limited. So I stopped asking myself, "How do I get more time?" and started asking myself, "How do I use my time wisely?"
This way of thinking is also central to parenting.
Because your child needs you, especially at a young age. Not as a project manager, but as a team member.
Tantrums, tears, sleepless nights – these are all developmental stages. Your job is to support your child through these processes – not to "optimize" them.
And when you do this with real attention, something amazing happens:
You grow with them. You learn. About yourself. About relationships. About patience.
Mini-Impulse : Think about it today: In which everyday situations can you act as a team – instead of working against each other?
5. First understand – then be understood
I used to think I was a good listener.
I was listening—or at least I thought I was. But I was really just waiting to share my advice. Even as the conversation unfolded, I was already working on the perfect answer in my head.
Until I found myself in a situation where I just wanted to talk – and the other person immediately presented me with a solution. I felt like I wasn't being heard. I wasn't being taken seriously.
And then it dawned on me:
That’s exactly what I had often done – with colleagues, with my wife, with my daughter.
Children don't need quick fixes. They need understanding.
They want to know: “Do you understand what I feel?”
Not: “Will you take it away?”
If you tell a child, “It’s okay,” they may feel rejected—or even learn to no longer trust their own feelings.
Then it gets louder – or retreats.
Therefore: Really listen. Describe what you see. Without judgment. Without distraction.
If your child is angry, don't say, "Calm down."
Say, "You're really angry because the shadow won't go away. I understand."
Connection isn't created through solutions, but through genuine listening.
Mini-impulse: Listen without correcting. Name the feelings, even if you don't understand them.
6. Create synergies – Grow better together
In a functioning team, 1 + 1 is more than 2. This also applies to families.
You don't have to know everything alone. Children benefit enormously from having multiple caregivers who complement each other. One is patient, another is creative. One likes to romp, another prefers cuddling.
You can also engage in genuine dialogue with your child. Ask your child:
“How would you solve this?”
“What do you need right now?”
“What would you do differently?”
You'll be surprised at how much wisdom little people have – if you really ask them and take them seriously.
Mini-impulse: Dare to see your child as a conversation partner at eye level – even if they are still small.
7. Cultivate your own center – stay with yourself
This last habit is perhaps the most important. You can only give if you have something yourself. You can only accompany if you are not internally at your limit.
"Sharpen the saw," says Covey. Don't just chop through it when it's blunt—but pause, nurture, and recharge.
What is good for you?
What gives you energy?
What do you need to be present and loving – not perfectly, but genuinely?
It's not about self-care as consumption—it's about real self-care: sleep. Exercise. Time to reflect. Conversations with people who understand you.
Mini-impulse: Ask yourself every day: What do I need today to be a good mother and a good father – for my child and for myself?
Conclusion
You don't have to be perfect. But you can act consciously.
Your child doesn't need flawless parents. They need you—present, open, and learning.
These seven habits are not a recipe, but a compass.
You grow every day – just like your child.
Perfection isn't a goal. But a loving look back at shared paths – that's worth its weight in gold.
With our photo books you not only make memories visible,
but also your path as a parent.
For you. For your child. For later.